Times change. Kids have a different perspective on the world than we do. Sometimes, even with the best intentions, we can become those grandparents. The ones with the very best intentions, who simply because of a lack of awareness, inadvertently offend. Here’s a solid list of phrases to avoid, with clear explanations for why they should be off-limits.
- “Don’t tell your parents …”
It undermines parental authority and encourages secrecy, which can set a dangerous precedent. Kids need to know they can always trust their parents. - “You’re getting so big! Have you put on weight?”
Comments about appearance can damage self-esteem and foster unhealthy body image concerns. Focus on character and achievements instead. - “Wow, you ate more than I did!”
Statements about eating habits can lead to shame or confusion about hunger cues. Let kids listen to their bodies without judgment. - “You’re so spoiled.”
Labeling behavior as “spoiled” places blame solely on the child, ignoring other contributing factors. It’s more effective to model gratitude and patience. - “You better give me a hug!”
This pressures children to ignore their comfort levels and can confuse them about bodily autonomy and consent. - “Your parents are wrong about …”
Criticizing parents to the children fosters division and confusion. It’s better to address concerns directly with the parents. - “Why aren’t you married yet?”
Asking older grandkids can feel intrusive and judgmental. Celebrate their individuality and personal milestones instead.