Finding the Goldilocks point of being polite and getting your point across can be a challenge in our industry. When your language demonstrates emotional intelligence, you build trust and close more placements. There are several phrases you’ll use in life and on your desk that we would recommend avoiding. We’ve listed more than a dozen and possible alternatives.
- “I’m just being honest…”
This phrase often precedes harsh feedback that could be delivered more constructively and is often an indicator of someone preparing to tell a lie.
Better alternative: “I’d like to share some observations that might be helpful for your job search…” This frames feedback as supportive rather than potentially hurtful.
- “No offense, but…”
This classic preface signals something offensive follows, showing a lack of awareness about your words’ impact. Avoid the no offense, AND always avoid the but.
Better alternative: You’re about to say something you know is offensive. Keep your mouth shut. If you’re asked for advice and you give it, you’re an expert. If you give advice when not asked, you’re an a$$hole
- “You should have…”
Lisa R. has the best phraseology for this… “Don’t should all over yourself.” Shoulding doesn’t help you and doesn’t help anyone else either.
Better alternative: “Moving forward, it might be helpful to…” This shifts focus to improvement rather than past errors. You can also ask, if appropriate, what the learning might have been from that experience
- “We have plenty of other candidates in the pipeline…”
While true, this makes candidates feel replaceable and unimportant. There isn’t a power struggle, you don’t control them, don’t ever give them fake FOMO.
Better alternative: “We’re evaluating several qualified candidates, including you. What sets you apart is…”
- “At least…”
While intended to highlight a silver lining, this phrase minimizes someone’s concerns.
Better alternative: “I understand this situation is difficult. What support would be most helpful right now?” or “I understand she doesn’t have the exact skills. Do you think her experience in X could bridge the gap?”
- “The client is being difficult about this requirement…”
This undermines your client and indicates a lack of partnership. Never throw your client (or your candidate) under a bus!
Better alternative: “The client has emphasized the importance of this requirement because…
- “Calm down…”
Few phrases escalate tension faster than telling someone to calm down. It invalidates emotions and comes across as condescending. Not to your candidates, not to your clients, not to your spouse, not to your children. Never say this.
Better alternative: “I can see this is important to you. Let’s take a moment to discuss your concerns.”
- “It’s not a big deal…”
What seems insignificant to you could be extremely important to the other person. Same here. When we dismiss someone’s feelings or concerns we make them feel unimportant, which is the opposite of what we’re trying to do!
Better alternative: “I appreciate you bringing this to my attention. Help me understand why this is important.”
- “I understand, but…”
The “but” negates the understanding you just claimed to have, signaling your viewpoint takes precedence. Always change the but to and.
Better alternative: “I understand your perspective, and I’d like to share some additional considerations…”
- “Your salary expectations are unrealistic…”
This dismissive statement makes candidates feel devalued and judged.
Better alternative: “Based on market research for this role, the typical compensation range is… Let’s discuss how we might bridge any gaps.”
- “You’re overqualified for this position…”
This vague statement leaves candidates confused about real concerns and feeling rejected for being too good.
Better alternative: “Your experience is impressive. My concern is whether this role would be challenging enough to keep you engaged long-term. What are your thoughts?”
- “We need someone who can hit the ground running…”
This cliché can be code for “we don’t want to invest in training” and signals minimal support.
Better alternative: “This role requires someone who can quickly adapt to our established processes while bringing fresh perspectives. How have you navigated similar transitions?”
- “If you were really interested, you would…”
This manipulative phrase questions a candidate’s motivations rather than addressing legitimate concerns. Don’t get me wrong, we all love a good takeaway, but there’s better ways to do it.
Better alternative: “It sounds like this might not be the best fit for you. Why don’t I gracefully and respectfully step us out of this situation?”
By choosing your words carefully, you’ll build stronger relationships with both candidates and clients, ultimately driving better results for your desk.
Stop working in a silo! Get the support you need from expert coaches and a group of high performing peers. Learn more below.
Tricia Tamkin, headhunter, advisor, coach, and gladiator. Tricia has spoken at over 50 recruiting events, been quoted in multiple national publications, and her name is often dropped in groups as the solution to any recruiters’ challenges. She brings over 30 years of deep recruiting experience and offers counsel in a way which is perspective changing and entertaining.
