We all know compassion is good. If someone is in distress, you feel for them. You want to help them. You are kind, tender, and you find grace and mercy. We all feel compassion for others frequently.

Why is self-compassion so much harder to conjure? Why does it tend to come with self-pity? Feelings of self-centeredness or indulgence? When we combine this with the self-proclaimed idea of not being good enough… it’s a recipe for disaster.

What is self-compassion? It’s accepting our experiences and embracing ourselves in the process. We understand our humanness and recognize we are flawed and imperfect. Yep, super awkward.

One of things holding us back from self-compassion is the odd belief our experience is unique. It’s not. The hardships you experience may be different in specificity from other people’s experiences, but we all have difficult situations we must navigate. And we don’t always navigate them in a perfect manner.

• How could I have reacted that way?
• Why did I say that to them?
• Why am I so hurt by this?
• What if I had done this differently?

These are normal questions, but they don’t serve you. There’s a little hack we use to help find self- compassion. When you’re in a situation, and you’re beating yourself up, change the actors. For example, if you made a mistake and your inner critic is being a particular jerk, do a thought exercise. Instead of it being you who made the mistake, change the main character of your story to be someone you love. I often think of one of our children. If they had made the same mistake and they came to me upset, how would I treat them? Would I yell at them for it? Would I call them stupid and be mean to them? Of course not. I’d be supportive and encouraging. I’d tell them to let it go, and not to be so hard on themselves.

Can we take our own advice?